Shame as a Barrier to Growth

[Excerpt from my upcoming book "Aging Naked"]
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Shaming experiences are deeply personal in the sense that what shames me, might not shame you and visa-versa. I find certain things shameful because of the lenses I use in life to create meaning, and those lenses were created over a lifetime of meaning-making experiences, rooted in my childhood and reinforced throughout my life. Shame is also the core driving force behind those "shoulds" I referenced earlier – beliefs we have internalized through the years that tell us whether we are good or bad, on track or off, worthy or unworthy.

We all have some should-driven notions about our ideal selves – our narratives of who we believe we are (or should be), and if we veer too far off of our should-driven path, we often feel shame in response. If shame is left unchecked in our lives, we risk having the targets of our shame serve as a portal through which we view ourselves, how we think others view us, and eventually, how we view the world.

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